My Connections to Play

My Connections to Play

People tend to forget that play is serious.

David Hockney
Contemporary British painter

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” George Bernard Shaw

  Growing up playing was not an option. I can remember that teachers would motivate the class to complete all of their work without door time.  I remember all of my elementary school; teacher playing with us not watching us.  My parents were hugely supportive of play.  My parent would send us outside and the only time we would come back is to use the bathroom or to eat.  My parents encouraged me and my three siblings to try any sport that we were curious about.  I love that growing up there were no cell phones, there were no Ipads.  Just sidewalk chalk and Barbies.  Kid’s today love to play the same as we did.  Their toys are different my entertaining and more realistic, but they are still toys.  Nothing will ever take the place of a good ole checker board, and kids will never get tired of a good game of hide and seek.  I think as the adults we have to show children the endless possibilities of play and that making a fort out of your mom’s dining room table and chairs and sheets is just as fun today as it was 30 years ago.  I think we need to take the focus off getting up and getting outside to play to combat childhood obesity but instead encourage getting your kids up and out and showing they can have fun! It’s my belief if you learn how to play as a child you will always be able to tap into the playful side of life.  A person has their entire life to be grown up, but only a brief moment in time to be a child.  Learn to love playing and you will love life.

Relationship Reflection

My children are my most highly valued relationships.  I cannot put one before the other or in a sequence of importance. Each of my children play a vital role in shaping the person I have become and who I strive to be as each new day passes.

My daughter Shelby who is 14 years old (looks 18) is my rock and comedian.  My relationship with her is one of mutual trust, respect, and understanding.  Through all of the hardships our family has faced it was up to her and I to make it right for the other two.  We joke and laugh and look at the positive side of life.  It is the relationship and bond that we share that allows us to be ourselves and like each other the person we are without reservations.  Shelby is a beautiful person who often time looks at the world through eyes of an experienced adult.  Shelby was the most difficult baby out of my three children and to this this day the most stubborn.  I enjoy that quality because she pushes me every day to be the best mom I can be.

Rhett Matthew my son of a wise 11 years is the only male in our household.  With that being said, he is also the most dramatic, and high maintenance.  Rhett was diagnosed at age 7 with ADHD.  A diagnosis that not only explained his behavior but changed my life forever.  His diagnoses changed the way I parented my children. As a young woman starting a family I thought that the best way to raise children was the way in which I was brought up.  A firm hand and instilment of old southern values.  After many nights of tears thinking that I was the worst mom I began to research Rhett’s diagnosis and learned an entire new way of handling his episodes, frustration, and abilities.  I was a new parent, a better parent and a more involved parent.  Rhett taught me that there are so many ways to reach your children and if the first path is blocked it ok to take the dirt road.  He taught me that compassion, understanding, and listening to your child is the foundation a love that he will always be able to carry with him and pass on.

                                                                                          

Emalyn Daisy my 7 year old butterfly of free spirit and love.  I chose to incorporate the name Ema in her first name because it is derived from the meaning, complete or whole.  Emalyn did exactly that on June 5^th 2005.  She completed my world and our family.  Emalyn is smart, funny, and adventurous and loves life.  The excitement I see in her eyes for each new day as it begins inspires me to make each day count and live life with no regrets.  Emalyn is very much the baby of the house but she is also the “mini” me of the children.  It is so funny that a little girl so small and so carefree can bring together a family like she does.  The thing that surprises me about Emalyn is that she is what people call an old sole.  She is not taken by the high tech social media of her generation, she ids my thumb sucking lovey carrying baby girl who on a weekly occasion asks me,” Mom do you know why I love you so much?”  I always respond, “I don’t know, why?” She says, “Because you did such a great job giving birth to me.”  Emalyn appreciates life; she appreciated a rainbow, the crickets chirping, a lost kitten, and the new fallen snow.  She reminds me every day that I am exactly where I need to be in life and to never take love or life for granted.

Knowing how to relate to my children as individuals first and as children second gives me an advantage when building a foundation for any relationship and or partnership.  Looking people as they appear individually will allow you let go of culturally based biases.  I have a general love of people.  Loving people and wanting to know what makes them unique and genuine is the best foundation for a lasting and valued relationship.

What I love about children

Children's games are hardly games. Children are never more serious than when they play.

MONTAIGNE, Essays

If a child is given love, he becomes loving ... If he's helped when he needs help, he becomes helpful. And if he has been truly valued at home ... he grows up secure enough to look beyond himself to the welfare of others.

DR. JOYCE BROTHERS, Good Housekeeping, Aug. 2010

Looking forward to the classes ahead and my future in childcare, I hope that the poem below will continue to inspire me. The poem I chose to share with everyone is posted by my desk at work.  I read every morning as I start my day and I read it everyday before I journey home.  It has made me appreciate and love the hard part of being a parent and want to help other parents really gain the perspective that will allow them to love parenthood.

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

The hardest thing when assessing children is insuring that you have a true an accurate representation of the child during the assessment.  All children react differently to different environments.  We have many children in our program that could not be assessed in an office setting and had to have environment observing to take place so that the assessor could see the child in a routine setting.  When you look at the school system and the End of Grade testing that they do in my community, it is amazing that any child comes out with a score that accurately represents what the child has retained throughout the school year.  The school system spends the last month of school preparing the students to take these tests and all but scares them to death.  The children are instilled with fear of failing and not being promoted to the next grade. They have a fear they will get in trouble by their parents. They also have a fear that their peers will see that they failed and must retake the test and thus ridiculed for their test scores.  I know that the school system has in place if a child fails that school staff looks at the child’s attendance, final grades during each grading period, and finally if there were any mitigating circumstance that impaired the child’s ability to take the test.  For example were their interruptions? Was the child sick on the day of testing?  Did the student have an undiagnosed special learning ability?  Did the child not go to bed on time or had a late family emergency?  All of these things will contribute to a child’s test taking ability.  Testing would be much more accurate and useful if the test not only examined the child’s intellectual ability, but also their, emotional, cognitive and physical abilities.  The only time that a school system evaluates the “whole” child in when they want them assessed by a physiological professional.   

 Communities worldwide would function more efficiently if we judged people based on their abilities not their credentials.  As an administrator finding the right person for the right job has become increasingly more difficult, because the right person for the job may lack the resources to have the credentials to be qualified.  Communities around the globe struggle with these issues.  Internationally the assessing of children can vary greatly.  According to the World Bank Papers in Sub-Saharan Africa, students are assessed in similar type settings as American students (Group, 2012).  The major difference is that the children that are fortunate enough to attending school in these areas is that the students have much higher stakes.  If children cannot perform and pass the assessments they are unable to continue their education (Group, 2012). They are deemed not intelligent enough to represent the school; unlike US student’s future is simply postponed if the assessment is failed. In SSA a student fails the assessments they are deprived from any further education. 

In retrospect, looking at the “whole” picture children of the United States does have more opportunity for education. It is most common that all children will face stress of the assessment period and the results may vary based on the stressor the child is facing.  The only thing as educators we can push for is that assessments will also reveal a wider range of skills and abilities so that children are challenged in all areas of consideration, including social, cognitive, and physical areas of development. Hopefully In the future we will have children that are educated as well as well- rounded individuals.

Resources

Group, W. B. (2012, 6 4). Creating a National Conversation through Large-Scale Learning Assessments.

Stress of War on our Babies

In my military community that I provide childcare services for, War, hands down is the greatest stressor on all 302 children I provide care for.  I have two children in my facility that have lost a parent because of the current war we fight; others are left for months and years at a time without a parent or both.  The stress to a child to have to an inconsistent home life as well as not a consistent parental figure in their life makes for some significant challenging behaviors.  I have seen a huge increase in the last five years of inappropriate discipline that has to be investigated.  For example, a parent who has been deployed for eight –ten months has not experienced with their child the different stages of development doesn’t understand why her child is having such difficult potty training.  The child has numerous accidents and the one time put mom over the edge and she spanks her child so hard there are black and blue bruise left behind on the child’s backside.  Unfortunate as it may seem the child is having bathroom accidents due to her environment.  Mom is stressed, does not know how to relate to her own child, child is frustrated because grandma who has been caring for her the past eight months is no longer around, and now I have to live with mommy and go to this school every day.  The child is in control none of the things that are happening to her.  The only thing children from ages 2-6 can control is if they are going to eat or not, and when they go potty.    The two things we as adults cannot force them to conform are how they eat and when bowl movement will or won’t happen.    This leads to huge stress in military families.   The many impacts of war on children’s lives are unbelievable.  Fallen parents, financial hardships, inconsistent parenting, disabled physically and mentally that impact a parent’s ability to care for their child, challenging behaviors, divorce, and above all child who do not cognitively, biosocial, and psychosocially develop at the rates of non military families.  Now I know in that back of your mind you are thinking that child abuse, neglect, and blended parenting styles are affecting children globally.  I am trying to illustrate that in it a huge concern for our children of war on how and if society will ever truly understand the impact it has in our own background.  These children of war need our love and support.  I am just glad that I am able to be a part of an organization and government program that offer the best childcare in the given area for these children to have access to all the resources and support and a state of the art facility to learn and grow, yet most of all feel loved and appreciated.

It is not only American children who have felt the stressors of War since we began fight terrorism in the Middle East, the children of Iraq are no longer free to be children.  Most cannot even attend local schools.  An article in the guardian published by Michael Howard in 2007 illustrated Iraqi children undergoing and being eyewitness to thing children should hear, see, or know about (Howard, 2007). “The Association of Iraqi Psychologists (API) said the violence had affected millions of children, raising serious concerns for future generations (Howard, 2007).”  War is not isolated to our country, or the country we are liberating.  War is a tragedy that affects our children for generations to come.  Society needs to ban together and support these children of war before our future is altered forever.

Howard, M. (2007, Feb 5). The Guardian. Retrieved from Children of War: The generation traumatised by violence in Iraq: www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/feb/06/iraq.topstorie

Mother and Fathers Mental Stability

I would guess the mental health of mothers, fathers and families would be the most prevalent on my mind in recent days.  As I oversee the c are of 302 children, I have gotten a lot of experience getting to know families and their abilities to cope with child rearing issues and concerns.  The majority of the families that my facility serves are enlisted service men and women.  When looking at the population of enlisted families most come from challenging backgrounds, and usually join the military to expand and diversify more than likely limited resources and life opportunities. Having said that, it has been in my experience that the military community has high populations of births to young newlywed parents. This population of parents is faced with tremendous stressor that can result in an emotional unstable environment for children.  For instances,  a young 18 yr old girl marries the hometown hero and just as they are stationed at their first duty station on the other side of the country, or perhaps the world, they find out they are expecting.  Not only are they expecting but the service member has just received orders to a war zone.  The young girl has to endure the pregnancy and birth with little to no support system. Her husband returns home with injuries, and emotional instability that does not allow him to readjust to a “routine” way of life.  The struggles of the physical and emotional toll the war has placed on this family now the burden of a postpartum mother with a new baby and very little money, and a husband who cannot reconnect. 

I know it sounds like an episode of Army Wives, but this is daily life for us aboard Camp Lejeune.  We deal with parents and family member who do not have the emotional and psychological stability to raise children.  It amazes me in a world of regulation and rules and licensure that there is no perquisite to have children.  You have to have a license to run a business, to get married, to drive a car, to teach, but to have a child or raise a baby…. Just sign here and show me that you have a functioning car seat and Congratulations you are a PARENT!!!!!

China has a one birth regulation that limits the population growth. This subsequently leads to gender abortions and adoptions.  The culture of China celebrates the birth of a male child. If parents are expected to have a male to carry the family name then often time if a female child is delivered then it is placed for adoption, or parents find out early in the pregnancy to determine the sex of the baby and abort if necessary. 

I am not saying that government should have this much authority to regulate child births in the United States.  I do believe it is our human right to reproduce.  I would just like for the government to educate the parents prior to deciding to have a child and what a stress, emotional, demanding, life altering responsibility it is.  I think education vice regulation is the key.  Helping couples decide if they are emotional, and psychologically prepared to raise a child.

Miracle to Birth

I have been blessed with three miracle births in my lifetime.  It is very hard to pick just one of those experiences to write about.  If I had to choose just one experience to write about I would chose the birth of my first child, Shelby.  I was twenty years old and had been married only two years.  I can remember being extremely sick and laying in bed coughing and coughing.  I had called my then husband and can remember he would not come home, and we only had one car.  I had gotten up to get a drink at the sink when I all of a sudden began to pee down my leg…  It was not pee.  It was my water.  I called my mom, and then my doctor, and husband.  Off to the hospital we went.  After several tests it was determined I have suffered pre-rupture of membranes and I was 34 weeks pregnant.  Doctors admitted me to labor and deliver and after a million pricks and sticks I began being induced.  After 9 hours of active labor I was only at 4 centimeters dilated and my parents had arrived.  The induction continued for 65 more hours.  I had to have three epidurals and final reached the “crowning” moment.  Life flight was standing by to transport my newborn baby to a hospital that had a neonatal intensive care unit.  I delivered my 6 pound baby girl 5 weeks early.  I ended up fracturing my tailbone and cracking three ribs due to the relentless labor and side affect from being inducted for 3 days straight.  I was so worried that my baby would be premature and not be able to breathe on her own.  I awaited doctors assessment of her and the next thing I see is my mom crying.  I thought, “Something terrible has happen.”  They were tears of joy!  My mom cried, “She’s perfect!”  I started crying with her.  Shelby did not have to be transported and was very stable but doctors were placing her in an oxygen supplement tank for the first few hours and were going to observe her.  I was told that I was not going to be able to hold my new baby for a little while longer.  Finally after four hours they wheel me into the small isolation room in the nursery.  They she was… Laying there with her feet in the air, IV’s in each tiny hand, and oxygen capsule over her head, she was ok.   I was so terrified that something was wrong with my precious gift from above.  After close observation and series of testing the only thing doctors could determine was that Shelby’s eyelashes, fingernails, and toenails had not formed yet.  She was slightly jaundice, but otherwise a healthy baby girl.  It was later discovered that the preterm labor caused severe acid reflux disease that she still battle even today.  She also had severely under developed estuation tubes, which resulted in multiple surgeries on her ears and 20% hearing loss in her right ear.   As a young mom not knowing what difficulties would face me in my child’s early development, I have learned that preterm labor can affect children long after birth.  In the moment you just hope for a textbook pregnancy and delivery. When things do not go as planned, it’s then you hope that the decisions you make as a parent will not hinder your child’s normal child development.

Having a baby in Japan

I read several articles about births in Japan.  Their culture those modernized is still very different.  The United States is a very much customer service based economy.  What customers want they get.  In Japan luxuries are a privilege and have to be respected know matter if the customer can afford or not.  For instance, In Japan doctors are respected and treated the all knowing authority and not to be questioned.  It is their status among society that they would not be a doctor unless they knew the “right” decisions to make.  So as a new mom to ask for specific treatment or to question a doctor’s methods is unheard and considered rude.   The natural non intervention methods of the western communities do not happen in Japan.  Hospitals are designed just for births and the request weather to receive drugs or the position in which the mother feels most comfortable to deliver is not up to the patient it is ordered by the Sensei or Doctor.  It brings me to a realization that western child development is a matter of taste and questionability.  In cultures like Japan development is decided for a child and a parent follows through on the instructions and does not question what is best for their child.  We are very privileged in America to have so many choices and opinions.

Gray, A. (2012, April). Giving Birth, having a baby in Japan. Retrieved from global compassion: http://www.globalcompassion.com/japan-birth.htm