Stress of War on our Babies

In my military community that I provide childcare services for, War, hands down is the greatest stressor on all 302 children I provide care for.  I have two children in my facility that have lost a parent because of the current war we fight; others are left for months and years at a time without a parent or both.  The stress to a child to have to an inconsistent home life as well as not a consistent parental figure in their life makes for some significant challenging behaviors.  I have seen a huge increase in the last five years of inappropriate discipline that has to be investigated.  For example, a parent who has been deployed for eight –ten months has not experienced with their child the different stages of development doesn’t understand why her child is having such difficult potty training.  The child has numerous accidents and the one time put mom over the edge and she spanks her child so hard there are black and blue bruise left behind on the child’s backside.  Unfortunate as it may seem the child is having bathroom accidents due to her environment.  Mom is stressed, does not know how to relate to her own child, child is frustrated because grandma who has been caring for her the past eight months is no longer around, and now I have to live with mommy and go to this school every day.  The child is in control none of the things that are happening to her.  The only thing children from ages 2-6 can control is if they are going to eat or not, and when they go potty.    The two things we as adults cannot force them to conform are how they eat and when bowl movement will or won’t happen.    This leads to huge stress in military families.   The many impacts of war on children’s lives are unbelievable.  Fallen parents, financial hardships, inconsistent parenting, disabled physically and mentally that impact a parent’s ability to care for their child, challenging behaviors, divorce, and above all child who do not cognitively, biosocial, and psychosocially develop at the rates of non military families.  Now I know in that back of your mind you are thinking that child abuse, neglect, and blended parenting styles are affecting children globally.  I am trying to illustrate that in it a huge concern for our children of war on how and if society will ever truly understand the impact it has in our own background.  These children of war need our love and support.  I am just glad that I am able to be a part of an organization and government program that offer the best childcare in the given area for these children to have access to all the resources and support and a state of the art facility to learn and grow, yet most of all feel loved and appreciated.

It is not only American children who have felt the stressors of War since we began fight terrorism in the Middle East, the children of Iraq are no longer free to be children.  Most cannot even attend local schools.  An article in the guardian published by Michael Howard in 2007 illustrated Iraqi children undergoing and being eyewitness to thing children should hear, see, or know about (Howard, 2007). “The Association of Iraqi Psychologists (API) said the violence had affected millions of children, raising serious concerns for future generations (Howard, 2007).”  War is not isolated to our country, or the country we are liberating.  War is a tragedy that affects our children for generations to come.  Society needs to ban together and support these children of war before our future is altered forever.

Howard, M. (2007, Feb 5). The Guardian. Retrieved from Children of War: The generation traumatised by violence in Iraq: www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/feb/06/iraq.topstorie

Mother and Fathers Mental Stability

I would guess the mental health of mothers, fathers and families would be the most prevalent on my mind in recent days.  As I oversee the c are of 302 children, I have gotten a lot of experience getting to know families and their abilities to cope with child rearing issues and concerns.  The majority of the families that my facility serves are enlisted service men and women.  When looking at the population of enlisted families most come from challenging backgrounds, and usually join the military to expand and diversify more than likely limited resources and life opportunities. Having said that, it has been in my experience that the military community has high populations of births to young newlywed parents. This population of parents is faced with tremendous stressor that can result in an emotional unstable environment for children.  For instances,  a young 18 yr old girl marries the hometown hero and just as they are stationed at their first duty station on the other side of the country, or perhaps the world, they find out they are expecting.  Not only are they expecting but the service member has just received orders to a war zone.  The young girl has to endure the pregnancy and birth with little to no support system. Her husband returns home with injuries, and emotional instability that does not allow him to readjust to a “routine” way of life.  The struggles of the physical and emotional toll the war has placed on this family now the burden of a postpartum mother with a new baby and very little money, and a husband who cannot reconnect. 

I know it sounds like an episode of Army Wives, but this is daily life for us aboard Camp Lejeune.  We deal with parents and family member who do not have the emotional and psychological stability to raise children.  It amazes me in a world of regulation and rules and licensure that there is no perquisite to have children.  You have to have a license to run a business, to get married, to drive a car, to teach, but to have a child or raise a baby…. Just sign here and show me that you have a functioning car seat and Congratulations you are a PARENT!!!!!

China has a one birth regulation that limits the population growth. This subsequently leads to gender abortions and adoptions.  The culture of China celebrates the birth of a male child. If parents are expected to have a male to carry the family name then often time if a female child is delivered then it is placed for adoption, or parents find out early in the pregnancy to determine the sex of the baby and abort if necessary. 

I am not saying that government should have this much authority to regulate child births in the United States.  I do believe it is our human right to reproduce.  I would just like for the government to educate the parents prior to deciding to have a child and what a stress, emotional, demanding, life altering responsibility it is.  I think education vice regulation is the key.  Helping couples decide if they are emotional, and psychologically prepared to raise a child.

Miracle to Birth

I have been blessed with three miracle births in my lifetime.  It is very hard to pick just one of those experiences to write about.  If I had to choose just one experience to write about I would chose the birth of my first child, Shelby.  I was twenty years old and had been married only two years.  I can remember being extremely sick and laying in bed coughing and coughing.  I had called my then husband and can remember he would not come home, and we only had one car.  I had gotten up to get a drink at the sink when I all of a sudden began to pee down my leg…  It was not pee.  It was my water.  I called my mom, and then my doctor, and husband.  Off to the hospital we went.  After several tests it was determined I have suffered pre-rupture of membranes and I was 34 weeks pregnant.  Doctors admitted me to labor and deliver and after a million pricks and sticks I began being induced.  After 9 hours of active labor I was only at 4 centimeters dilated and my parents had arrived.  The induction continued for 65 more hours.  I had to have three epidurals and final reached the “crowning” moment.  Life flight was standing by to transport my newborn baby to a hospital that had a neonatal intensive care unit.  I delivered my 6 pound baby girl 5 weeks early.  I ended up fracturing my tailbone and cracking three ribs due to the relentless labor and side affect from being inducted for 3 days straight.  I was so worried that my baby would be premature and not be able to breathe on her own.  I awaited doctors assessment of her and the next thing I see is my mom crying.  I thought, “Something terrible has happen.”  They were tears of joy!  My mom cried, “She’s perfect!”  I started crying with her.  Shelby did not have to be transported and was very stable but doctors were placing her in an oxygen supplement tank for the first few hours and were going to observe her.  I was told that I was not going to be able to hold my new baby for a little while longer.  Finally after four hours they wheel me into the small isolation room in the nursery.  They she was… Laying there with her feet in the air, IV’s in each tiny hand, and oxygen capsule over her head, she was ok.   I was so terrified that something was wrong with my precious gift from above.  After close observation and series of testing the only thing doctors could determine was that Shelby’s eyelashes, fingernails, and toenails had not formed yet.  She was slightly jaundice, but otherwise a healthy baby girl.  It was later discovered that the preterm labor caused severe acid reflux disease that she still battle even today.  She also had severely under developed estuation tubes, which resulted in multiple surgeries on her ears and 20% hearing loss in her right ear.   As a young mom not knowing what difficulties would face me in my child’s early development, I have learned that preterm labor can affect children long after birth.  In the moment you just hope for a textbook pregnancy and delivery. When things do not go as planned, it’s then you hope that the decisions you make as a parent will not hinder your child’s normal child development.

Having a baby in Japan

I read several articles about births in Japan.  Their culture those modernized is still very different.  The United States is a very much customer service based economy.  What customers want they get.  In Japan luxuries are a privilege and have to be respected know matter if the customer can afford or not.  For instance, In Japan doctors are respected and treated the all knowing authority and not to be questioned.  It is their status among society that they would not be a doctor unless they knew the “right” decisions to make.  So as a new mom to ask for specific treatment or to question a doctor’s methods is unheard and considered rude.   The natural non intervention methods of the western communities do not happen in Japan.  Hospitals are designed just for births and the request weather to receive drugs or the position in which the mother feels most comfortable to deliver is not up to the patient it is ordered by the Sensei or Doctor.  It brings me to a realization that western child development is a matter of taste and questionability.  In cultures like Japan development is decided for a child and a parent follows through on the instructions and does not question what is best for their child.  We are very privileged in America to have so many choices and opinions.

Gray, A. (2012, April). Giving Birth, having a baby in Japan. Retrieved from global compassion: http://www.globalcompassion.com/japan-birth.htm